Company Section | Camps
Summer Camp 2009 - BBUK Headquarters - Felden Lodge, Hemel Hempstead, London
By Stephen Kelly
Wacko
"If you've got one you have one, if you have four you have more"
"Gavin took it well earlier."
"If it doesn't rain you don't get your Rice Krispies"
"I prefer to be sandwiched between the Captain and Rab."
Fish
"Be careful which way you sleep, you could take someone's eye out"
"We should have a midnight table tournis tennament"
Thompson
"What are you doing over there Wacko? You doing a John Johnston?!"
Rab
Su: "Is there any way I can go without him jumping me?!
Rab: "I don't think it matters where you move he's going to jump you anyway. It's just a case of where he jumps you first"
Luke
"The Queen was pretty fit in her day"
"I enjoy talking to English people in their accents"
"No offense but I'd rather have any other tent"
Michael
(to Fish)" What's that?!"
(Fish) "An iPod... why?"
(to Fish) "What is it the iPod Brick?!"
- "Apsley is the chosen one"
- "Doddsy needs to get a wife"
- "Irwin's wife is called Adele"
- "Mooney wants to be the Pope"
- "Bradley's from Afghanistan"
- "Scott is married to Joanne
- "Fish fancies Suzanne Bell"
- "Dougan and Jacob shared a shower"
- "Jacob loves a swiss roll"
- "Mallow had a truffle shuffle"
- "Campbell thinks he owns the tuck"
- "Dougan is half leprechaun"
- "Rab killed Dumbledore"
- "Gavin thinks he owns the place"
- "Mowgli led Catrina on"
- "Curtis says it's all gone wrong"
Friday 31st July
A late night start welcomed us to camp this year instead of the traditional 6am start on Saturday morning with us meeting on Friday evening to catch the last boat from Belfast to Liverpool. We left on time which was another difference compared to previous years and our three minibuses and the Woodsides lorry made the short trip up the M2 to the docks where we joined quite a small queue. We then didn’t seem to move in the small queue for about 20 minutes, then slowly we moved ... and stopped ... moved and stopped ... you get the picture! We discovered that there was only one window open at the check-in gate so every single vehicle had to go through it and it was frightening how slow they were! The only thing more frightening than their slowness was when we eventually got to the window and they needed a list of the boys birthdays ... and some of our boys didn’t know what year they were born in ... I really do worry sometimes!
So having all been checked on in possibly the slowest queue in the history of Norfolkline, we had another hour and a bit to wait before being called to board. Long waits don’t go well with our boys and soon the buses were rocking ... no literally rocking from side to side! Finally the cars in front began boarding so we went to move off. I say “went” because our bus didn’t start ... the battery was completely flat! This prompted Wacko to spring into “Woodsides Haulage Mode” and made a beeline for the docks land rover and its driver to enquire about a jump-start.
So we eventually made it on to the boat (including Gavin’s first bus-driving experience involving a 3-point-turn in to a space on the boat!) and headed up to sort out our cabins and get some dinner. As we were having dinner, we heard an announcement that the crossing would be “moderate to choppy” ... this didn’t sit too well with most of the officers who had stuffed their faces and even managed dessert! While the drivers went to bed early to get some sleep and the other officers following soon after, it was hoped the boys would be tired as well and head to bed. No chance. Although some did get some sleep, others didn’t get a wink ... but a special mention must go to Luke Chambers who spent some of the night cleaning up Lee Apsley’s sick!
Saturday 1st August
With the drivers fully refreshed, we docked in Liverpool shortly after 6am and began the long trek south to London. The buses were remarkably quiet ... possibly due to the severe lack of sleep from the night before ... but we weren’t complaining! We reached Birmingham in good time and stopped to stretch our legs, grab a coffee and empty any full bladders before setting off on the remaining 100 or so miles to London. En route through Hemel Hempstead we came across the “Magic Roundabout” ... a huge seven-junction roundabout with five mini-roundabouts at each intersection. The strange thing about this roundabout though is that you could go round it the wrong way using the mini-roundabouts to get to your exit. Needless to say we were confused on our first meeting with it!
We arrived at Felden shortly after lunchtime and were delighted to see the tents and marquee already setup from the previous week when an English company were using the site, so we began to unpack the lorry and get the place in some sort of order. While all this was happening Rab, Irwin and I headed to Tesco to do the “big shop.” The usual strange looks at the tills were expected as the till operator rang through ten pizzas, seventy yogurts, eight litres of milk, twelve loaves of bread ... the list went on!
In typical British summertime, the heavens opened a few hours after we had got everything setup, so we put dinner on early. Head Chef Rab and “Chef" of the day (because “cook” wasn’t important enough sounding for me) soon discovered that much like the cooker in Kirkham last year, this one was possibly the slowest on the planet ... not much use when trying to cook frozen pies! Four hours later the pies were done and because the weather was still terrible we headed to the cinema for the night.
Sunday 2nd August
We were amazed to find the sun splitting the sky on Sunday morning and you got the feeling it was going to be a good day ... started by the first official camp fry of 2009!
One of the hotly debated topics each year is what type of church we go to ... this year it was Bovingdon Baptist Church, only about a mile away but we still managed to get lost and end up in a housing estate instead! In true camp tradition, we outnumbered the congregation by about five to one but were made feel incredibly welcome, even being offered tea, coffee or juice and biscuits! I think they actually ran out of cups because a few of us didn’t get any! The service was very relaxed and informal and we even managed to suggest a few prayer requests ...the most notable for Andrew Dodds, or as the woman in the church thought we said, Andrew’s dog ... Doddsy we were always thinking about you!
We returned to camp and began the competitions since the weather was holding up. The afternoon was spent playing football, pool, table tennis and draughts in as fiercely competitive a way that I haven’t seen at camp for a while!
We had been visited during the afternoon by Steve Dickinson, the Boys’ Brigade Secretary, and he invited us to an evening service taken by the English KG VI Officer Cadets who were finishing up a training weekend at the site. We managed to stir up the Northern Irish / English rivalry with a few comments about beating them 1-0 at Windsor Park a few years ago but they took it in good banter … even when some of our boys arrived at the hall waving a Northern Irish FA flag and the Ulster flag!
An early night was called for as we were making an 8am exit from camp to Thorpe Park for the day!
Monday 3rd August
More glorious sunshine greeted us as we departed for Thorpe Park with much of the chat on the bus surrounding which rides you were going on and what they’d be like!
The first comedy incident of the day occurred the car park at Sainsburys, where we had stopped off to get some supplies for lunch. We parked up together and Scott and Thompson had got out of their buses and were standing talking. They were approached by a woman who asked could they turn down the music from the bus radio, to which Thompson did. She walked off, only to come back a few minutes later and demand the music be turned down even lower as she was concerned for the welfare of our boy’s ears! This time Thompson’s response was a little less obliging as he asked her “What age do you think they are … 60?!” She then went on to tell us how her son does the same job as us and how we weren’t doing our job properly and shouldn’t be getting paid for it! Last time I checked my bank balance I wasn’t being paid to be a Boys’ Brigade officer!
We arrived at Thorpe Park and all went our separate ways to the rides of our choosing … with most of the officers heading straight for Stealth, a 0-80mph in 2.5 seconds straight up 200 feet, over-the-top and straight back down thrill ride. It was a complete adrenaline rush but lasted a grand total of about 15 seconds! Everything after that seemed slow and not as much fun but we managed to navigate all the main rides throughout the afternoon. Some of the less adventurous boys stuck to what they were good at, like James Clarke winning a SpongeBob Squarepants toy in one of those grabbing machines … as you can see it was pretty much a life-size SpongeBob!
As we left Thorpe Park that evening, Scott received a text from Doddsy enquiring into an extra space on the boat home if he flew over. We weren’t sure at first if he was serious but after a few texts and a phone call we found out he was an would be flying out to meet us on Thursday night … of course we didn’t tell any of the boys this breaking news … not yet anyway.
Tuesday 4th August
We spent most of the morning getting stuck into the competitions in the marquee as the rain delayed us playing more of the football tournament. As the morning wore on, the weather brightened up and so a few matches were played after a thorough pitch inspection by groundskeeper Scott but the biggest scandal of the day came from an incident in involving a group of junior boys, a pool ball and a pane of glass in a fire door … I think you can piece together the story for yourself. The officers did however hold “Court 15” to interrogate and question the possible suspects and eventually got to the bottom of it after cross referencing several other members of the suspected guilty party.
We headed for the nearby water park after lunch and as is tradition on camp, some boys managed to get kicked out of the pool after about ten minutes while the rest of us managed to beat some of the queues and try out the various shapes and sizes of slides.
We arrived home to spend the rest of the evening playing more competitions and wondering how long it was going to take the boys to wash the dishes … I think a camp record was set as the boys were still washing dishes by torchlight three hours later!
We also had a visit from Suzanne Bell. Su is currently over in London working in McDonalds head office and decided to call over and see what really happens at BB camp … I think she was suitably impressed by the whole operation!
Wednesday 5th August
We hit the road early heading for London and our tour around the Houses of Parliament. Our coach dropped us off right behind Westminster Abbey so it was a short walk around the corner to the Houses of Parliament. We had a bit of time to spare as we arrived early so decided to head across Westminster Bridge to the far side to take in the sights of the Parliament building and on the opposite side of the bridge, the impressive London Eye.
We passed through the strict security and were split into two groups and met our tour guides … one group with a young lady and my group … with a verging-on-elderly man who looked like he’d been around since the place was built! The tour lasted just under an hour and we toured each of the individual buildings that collectively make up Parliament. Some of the architecture in the buildings was amazing and we were able to view the House of Commons that you see on the news or TV coverage of the elections … a memorable experience to say you’ve been there!
We jumped back on the coach which took us through the posh end of London to the Science Museum in South Kensington. This place is huge and had some very interesting exhibits including a gravity defying Formula 1 car which was stuck to the ceiling!
We met Gavin in the centre of London as he’d flown back out to spend the rest of the week with us and his return made an immediate impact with Tent 3 on the football pitch when they recorded their first win of the competition … it may also have had something to do with Wacko sitting that game out … but I couldn’t possibly comment!
Thursday 6th August
The weather held up from the previous day and we managed to get more competitions played in the morning before headed off to our afternoon of potholing, rock climbing and abseiling at the local scout centre.
We split into three groups and my group was first to attempt potholing. We climbed a small grassy hill to be met at the top by a fairly well-built man sitting beside a man-hole, who looked like he was just finishing his lunch … in fact he was! His first two questions were “Have you got a change of clothes?” and “Have you got a torch?” … which both our answers unfortunately were “No.” His snigger didn’t fill us with confidence as he pointed us towards a cement pipe no bigger than 18 inches in diameter … this was apparently the same width as the smallest tunnel in the underground network … needless to say a few of us passed on the potholing. The rest of the group did 
manage to pull, slide and crawl their way around the disgusting tunnels and special mention must go to Matthew Halliday, Luke Chambers, Patrick Mooney and Michael Stevenson who all managed to complete the entire course … now “Elite Potholers” as our instructor told us.
Thankfully the climbing and abseiling gave us a chance to dry off and Wacko even managed to almost snare himself a woman while we were there! Apparently the conversation was flowing between Wacko and Cat… until he realized she was only 19 … looks like back to fishing in Doddsy’s pond for you Wacko!
Just as were leaving the centre, the rain began … and kept going … and going … and going! By the time we had got dinner, the campsite was beginning to resemble Shrek’s swamp … so another trip to the cinema was planned! The film of choice was GI Joe: Rise of Cobra which thankfully turned out to a lot better than Land of 
the Lost which we saw on our previous visit! We arrived back at the site to find several tents flooded because it was still raining solidly and didn’t look like giving up … but amidst all the chaos and depression brought on by the terrible weather, a silver lining appeared in our grey cloud when Doddsy finally graced us with his presence at camp! The scenes in the marquee were like that of Kevin Keegan returning to his beloved Newcastle United … with some boys commenting how “It’s not proper BB Camp without Doddsy” A touching sentiment I’m sure you‘ll agree!
Friday 7th August
The final full day of camp began as the previous night had ended … wet! During the night the rain had managed to seep into more tents and so a new camp record was set with 17 boys sleeping in one of the few water-tight tents still left!
With the remainder of the boys camp bank burning a hole in their pockets we headed for Brent Cross Shopping centre on the outskirts of London for some much requested retail therapy! The group split in a variety of directions … some looking for something for their parents, some for their other halves and then there was Luke … who managed to fork out £40 for a pen. Yes you read correctly … a pen!
After spending a good three or four hours walking around the 
shops, we discovered the sun had decided to come out of hiding and managed to give us a pleasant evening to finish up the remaining competition games which included a tense battle between Turner and Irwin for the table tennis title which had the entire camp gathered watching in anticipation. Turner eventually triumphed over the veteran and when asked how it felt being crowned the 2009 Camp Table Tennis Champion in front of a capacity crowd in the marquee, he replied “Aye it feels not too bad.” He’s a man of few words our Turner as you can tell!
We had supper before the final of the pool competition and after we had eaten, some of the senior boys presented Niall and Rab with a gift each for the hard work that they put in and also to say sorry for some of the trouble that happened during the week.
Turner was also involved in the late-night final of the pool competition against last year’s reigning camp champion Chris Stevenson. Again this final proved tense with neither man wanting to give any easy shots away and playing safety shots at every opportunity. With the match poised at one frame each in a best-of-three series it came down to a black-ball fight … with Chris eventually holding his nerve to pip his rival into second place.
Saturday 8th August
The final day of camp was bathed in beautiful sunshine … great weather for hauling down tents and carrying heavy equipment and bags back and forward to the lorry!
Once we got the majority of the stuff packed into the lorry we held the presentation of awards for the week’s competitions. The boys had been scoring points all week in draughts, pool, table tennis and football and this year was a particularly close one with Mark Turner taking the overall camp champion award with 95 points, narrowly beating reigning champion Chris Stevenson into second place with 85.
The boys were also marked on their tents each morning and were given bonus points for completing the potholing course and so overall the winners of the tent trophy were Luke Chamber’s Tent 2 with a huge total of 420 points!
We had to leave the site at lunchtime to allow another group to set up so we began our journey home in the baking heat the whole way up the M6, stopping again at Birmingham for a bit of lunch and then continuing on our journey up to Liverpool. We had planned a bit of shopping time at the Liverpool One shopping outlet, which Gavin took great pleasure in telling us housed the Everton 2 Superstore (Liverpool 1 Everton 2 haha very funny!)
We finally reached the docks at Birkenhead and waited to board the last overnight boat back to Belfast and draw camp to a close for another year.
Sunday 9th August
Camp wouldn’t be camp without a last-minute comedy incident … this time involving almost leaving four boys behind on the boat. We were given the loud and annoying wakeup call at 5:30am and a steady stream of zombie-like boys made their way to the restaurant for breakfast. We docked just before 6:30am and loaded up the minibuses and were ready to set off … until we did a head-count and found we were four boys short. The missing boys were identified and Doddsy and I ran back on to the boat in search of them. Luckily I had heard the boys in question talking in the room next to us in the early hours of the morning so we checked there first. Hammering on the door and shouting got no response so fortunately we found a cleaner who opened the door for us and low-and-behold there were four sleeping junior boys … quite how they were still sleeping I still don’t know! You won't be named don't worry ... but you know who you were!
So with a full compliment of boys we finally arrived back in Ballyclare around 7am and began the final job of unpacking of all our bags and equipment from the lorry.
Overall camp was a good one ... except I guess for the weather but you can't plan everything! I think I speak for everyone when I say thanks to Irwin and Scott for all their hard work in organising everything! Bring on Camp 2010!